A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
