exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
