I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
