Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
