Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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