i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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