Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
