fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
