she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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