I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
