is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
