And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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