I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
