Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
