Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
