Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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