THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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