At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
