i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i will never coherently bang her
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
