i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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