So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
