It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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