Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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