just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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