Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
