She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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