Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
