You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I think I have vodka in my lungs
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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