why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
