I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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