So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
