just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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