better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
