Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
