3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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