1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
