After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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