I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I need water and some morals
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
