I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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