I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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