we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
