u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I am mentally ready for anal.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize