I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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