Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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