We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
