Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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