They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
