We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
