The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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