This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
