Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
