I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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