The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
