why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
