I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
