We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
whose parrot is this?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
