If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
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I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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