just tell him i said nine months
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
