evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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