It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
