Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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