Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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