Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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