I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
