Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
