i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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