I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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