dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
