dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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