what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize