there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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